HAYITSNAY

under a kotatsu at a hostel in nagano

whatever i write in this post. is what the truth is going to be. in many ways. it doesn’t matter what actually happened. because soon. i won’t remember. and if other people were involved. soon. they won’t remember. or at the very least we’ll have a few years of “remember when…” “oh yeah, wait. wasn’t it…” “yeah! in fact it was also…” and we’ll make a new truth in those little conversations.

and to be honest. this is why i struggle to write in this blog. yes. sometimes it’s laziness. sometimes it’s lack of ideas. sometimes it’s disliking the way i write. but the overwhelming fear is: am i being true to me?

and now as people share their end of decade moments on social media. i watch them and think. how was my year? my decade? my life?

and i don’t want to write it down.

because i don’t want to put my feelings and thoughts to print.

memories fade. print does not.

so i wont. i’ll chalk the 2010s to: stuff. i did some things. had some jobs. lived in some places. met some people. i smiled. i cried. i thought. i regretted. i experienced. and i’m still here. nothing broke me. things could have been better. but (luckily) things could have been so much worse. and i’m grateful for all the people in my life who make me happy to be and happy to live.

and so. with that. its onto the next decade.